Translate fractals Standing next to the bed watching some Japanese anime shit my fiancé put on. N it wasn’t nearly as interesting before I took my nightly dose of ketamine. Iv been snorting 5mg two or three times over the last hour of the day. In California they’ve been making major headway in PTSD treatment with ketamine over the past year or so. I suffer from prolonged post traumatic stress disorder, the difference from standard PTSD being that instead of one traumatic event I spent years in traumatic life threatening and inhuman conditions. it wasn’t cool to bust parents for child abuse until I was a teenager so iv supressed the first ten years of my life and relive the experiences and gain new memories every night in my sleep. Ketamine is a disassociative so enables me to be more of a spectator in my flashbacks rather than an unwilling actor.
I am a drug user/addict on multiple levels but I never really liked ketamine until recently and I don’t enjoy k holes at all. I know to stop when a warm tingle hits my spine. A little too much and your virtually incapacitated starring at the fractals the light on the other side of your eyelids provides which your mind translates for u like the white noise effect. Ketamine I wouldn’t consider a recreational drug although many of my peers would disagree with me. But it really does help my flashbacks more than anything iv found yet. Kratom effects my PTSD the worst this is virtually a caution label. Native American tribes used Kratom to recall past lives really they were digging deep into their earliest memories, you can see already where this is going. I wake up unsure if everything how old I am etc and Kratom not only caused it but prolonged my confused state upon waking up so there was chaos for hours.
Rejection has an interesting place in the human mind. Close enough to remember how it feels, lest we forget how important it is avoid for our self esteem via our ego’s sake. Stomaching a nice big helping takes years of being torn apart to tolerate. It still hurts. Realizing your just the biggest waist of time isn’t easy to hear. But it isn’t far from the truth. Your as big a peice of shit as you’ve been told all along. To have thought any different was wishful thinking. Your just a fucking idiot. That doesn’t know anything and should just fucking kill myself because that’s all I make the people around me want to do. I’m expected to accept that I’m the entire problem and be there sympathetically. Why not just fucking kill myself if I’m the problem il just remove it. As I watch the love of my life just throw everything iv made up until this point around the room like it took no effort to get at all. Well fuck it, if I’m not gonna bother living through the night who gives a fuck what’s left of my shit. I havnt talked to my family since my birthday, more my fault than anyone’s again. Not that I’d have anything to say even if I did talk to them. I have nothing in common with them it’s hard to hold a conversation that’s more than talk about the weather. So I just classicly make everything worse so I’m done trying for anyone’s sake anymore. I hate myself as much as you do already bitch. You make me want to die in front of you just to make a point. A physical reference point instantly created in your mind displaying the true and actual nature of the demon that hides just beneath the surface. The never ending black pit of putrid ugly spoiled anger resentment and hatred bubbling over the edge of my eyes like the tears that I should have cried years ago. But held back and used them to fuel my hatred to the point of being completely consumed. There’s no room for anything else left apparantly, so your rejection can go fuck itself iv been feeling worse than you could ever make me feel already, give me one more reason and on my fathers grave il be fucking dead by morming. im done feeling guilt and im over feeling lonely. im by no means perfect but walking on eggshells isnt as easy as it sounds. blame whatever you want, your just angry and
to all those whome it may concern
Rosin vaporizing junkies’ unite every Monday at the dab bar. If you plan on sitting downstairs, you better plan on bringing your 10,000 dollar glass bong, fitted with a quartz banger and capped with a mothership carb cap. Don’t forget to have as many alcohol wipes a cue tips as a pediatric nurse during flu season to soak up all the half smoked oil and wipe off every surface you come in contact with. And don’t forget to bring a 1000 dollar cannon camera on a stand so you can angle it perfectly for the videos you take of every dab so all your Instagram fans don’t miss your next overly romanticized high. So let’s all mash giant samiches and try our hardest not to pull any of the ten bitches that showed up with all 200 guys cuz it’s not like we can bring them back to moms house this late anyway. The sesh ends at midnight!!! Isn’t that nifty?!?!?!
I am the Howard Roarke at every one of these Monday “seshes.” There I sit with a Mexican bottled squirt and I’m high as a kite laughing at the small batch medical community that smears at the profit based market they don’t have the balls, money, experience, or connections for. The government made medical to profit off of the black market. I go to dispensaries for the benefits of being able to get a wide selection of products at absurd rates that my wallet can handle due to my unerst efforts in the cannabis business. For every ten thousand dollar bong those kids spend five years saving up for Ive broken and not cared. Maybe I’m just a cynical prick but fuck you I’ve earned it.
My fiancé and I went on an adventure to a world completely new to me. Wizard con it was interesting with all these people dressed up as things I didn’t recognize mostly but there was a lot of Doctor impersonators that I did. But Matt smith himself was there to sign autographs if you wanted to pay the hundred bucks. So I did , and waited in line for two hours playing music on our phone which seemed to offend the people around us although passive aggressively conveyed. But we made it up there and they gave us a picture and he did we were great fans and just before I turned to leave, I slid him a joint in a plastic tube to him a cross the table. Which he recognized a second later and quickly and tastefully put it under the table as the whole world is watching. It just makes me feel great thinking that tonight he’s probably enjoying some American grown pot in his hotel room. I wonder what British weed is like and what strains are popular over there.. Hmm the wonders of the world I have yet see but yurn to obtain. Gorilla glue #4 is the strain Matt smith could be smoking right now and jusfully so it’s 29.37 percent thc and 3 percent cbd. The finest of the fine.
Why don’t we fuck on the kitchen sink?
Cuz I’m too fucking short, it smells like cat shit anyway. Cuz your lazy and didn’t scoop the litter box yet today.
Blood trickles down shaven legs
Stains white socks, turns brown and unhappy
Your fucking beautiful when your bleeding. So I brush the hair from your eyes. Then you shave your eyebrows like you have since long before we meet.
I miss it when you used to bite me. Your some dirty stray bitch and I’m your nasty rusted yellow fire hydrant that you piss on every day.
I love you
Red bmw for Deutschland in the mailbox of USA
Sea foam green dominos spray out the driver seat door, in rythm with the music like an open heart surgery gone rave Out front
Fingerless crackheads grinding their, now nub appendages on the red tinted pavement
Basketball sized crack rocks, rolling steadily down the street
Always inches from their bloody grasp
I think one tried to give me thumbs up
So I flipped him off and watched him dash after the ever rolling last rock
Nevermind the millions
They’ll make themselves for someone else, someone who can play dominos with ecstasy on dimethyl playgrounds inside the business blind third eye mind hybridization of a fourth dimensional hive
A spiritual motive
For a metaphysical fight
Each step ending the beginning of another life